100 Best Jokes Ever Told That Will Make You Smile from Ear to Ear

Best Jokes Ever

• "Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?" - George Carlin

• "A car hit an elderly man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, "I make a good living."

• "The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast." - Demetri Martin

• "I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west!" - Rodney Dangerfield

• "I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs." - Mitch Hedberg

• "I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying." - Woody Allen

• "A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist replies “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…” The guys replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?” And the guy says, “Your light was on." - Unknown

• "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henry Youngman

• "Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

• He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them." - Unknown

• "Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends." - Unknown

• "Can February March? No, but April May!" - Unknown

• "Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents." - Unknown

• "Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school." - Unknown

• "What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" "Fast food!" - Unknown

• "It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa." - Unknown

• "I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me." - Unknown

• "Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas." - Unknown

• "Whenever I try to eat healthily, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers." - Unknown

• "If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?" - Unknown

Best Dad Jokes Ever

Best Jokes Ever - Photo by Thought Catalog from Unsplash

• "Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast." - Unknown

• "Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?” Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house." - Unknown

• "Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve." - Unknown

• "A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!" "Don’t worry," said the doc. “Those are just contractions." - Unknown

• "I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know..." - Unknown

• "You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg." - Unknown

• "When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?" - Unknown

• "I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now." - Unknown

• "A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest." - Unknown

• "That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted." - Unknown

• "Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them." - Unknown

• "If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?" - Unknown

• "What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin." - Unknown

• "I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a Fanta sea." - Unknown

• "Why do all hot dogs look alike? Because they are in bread." - Unknown

• "My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Wonderwall all the time, I said maybe." - Unknown

• "What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam." - Unknown

• "When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent." - Unknown

• "Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb." - Unknown

• "How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!" - Unknown

Best Jokes Ever Told

• "A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don’t know. It all happened so fast." - Unknown

• "A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment." - Unknown

• "I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman." - Steven Wright

• "A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop." - Unknown

• "What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." - Phyllis Diller

• "I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral." - Demetri Martin

• "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess." - Matt Kirshen

• "When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That’s why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship." - Dick Gregory

• "I should never have given my real email address to Rolex. Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list." - Unknown

• "Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island." - Unknown

• "What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging." - Unknown

• "Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels." - Unknown

• "I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!" - Unknown

• "What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar." - Unknown

• "I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off." - Unknown

• "Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!" - Unknown

• "I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy." - Unknown

• "Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants." - Unknown

• "What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream." - Unknown

• "Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable." - Unknown

Best Kids Joke Ever

Best Jokes Ever - Photo by Ainara Oto from Unsplash

• "Why did the little lamb go everywhere Mary went? He wanted to mark his territory." - Unknown

• "What did the guitar say to the lead singer of the band? "Stop stringing me along." - Unknown

• "What do you call a student who doesn’t like math class?

• Calcu-hater." - Unknown

• "What do piggies use when they have an infection? Antibiotic oinkment." - Unknown

• "Why is a flock of geese like Wikipedia? They’re flying in-formation." - Unknown

• "Why is it OK if you forget how to make a boomerang on Instagram? It will come back to you." - Unknown

• "What’s Superman’s favorite drink? PUNCH." - Unknown

• "What does Minnie Mouse drive? A Minnie van!" - Unknown

• "What did one elevator yell to the other? I’m falling!" - Unknown

• "Which hand is better to paint with? Neither! A paintbrush is better." - Unknown

• "What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese!" - Unknown

• "Why does the moon say she doesn’t want to eat? "She’s full." - Unknown

• "What goes up but doesn’t come back down? Your age." - Unknown

• "Where do fish keep their money? In the riverbank." - Unknown

• "Who gives sharks presents on Christmas? Santa Jaws." - Unknown

• "What always comes at the beginning of a parade? The letter P." - Unknown

• "Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? Santa Paws." - Unknown

• "What happened after the shark got famous? He became a starfish." - Unknown

• "Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer so long." - Unknown

Best Knock Knock Joke Ever

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock! Knock!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Hike. Hike who? I didn't know you liked Japanese poetry!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? I am. I am who? You tell me!!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Oink oink. Oink, oink who? Make up your mind—are you a pig, or an owl?!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who's there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!" - Unknown

• "Knock Knock! Who's There? Snow! Snow who? Snow laughing matter." - Unknown

• "Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wire. Wire who? Wire you always asking ‘who’s there’?" - Unknown

• "Knock, knock! Who’s there? Abe. Abe who? Abe CDEFJH..." - Unknown

• "Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Ken Ken who? Ken I come in? It's cold out here." - Unknown

• "Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?" - Unknown

• "Knock, knock! Who's there? Eysore Eysore who? Eysore do love you!" - Unknown

• "Knock, knock Who’s there? Leaf. Leaf Who? Leaf Me Alone!" - Unknown

• "Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio not, here I come!" - Unknown

• "Knock, Knock Who’s there? Cargo! Cargo who? Car go beep, beep!" - Unknown

That’s all the best jokes ever handpicked by Tripboba, now it’s time to share yours!