75+ Hilarious One Liner Jokes That Will Make You Laugh in a Second

One Liner Jokes

• "My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down." - Unknown

• "I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any." - Unknown

• "I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. That is wrong on so many levels." - Unknown

• "I told him to be himself; that was pretty mean, I guess." - Unknown

• "I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off." - Unknown

• "I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around." - Unknown

• "Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak." - Unknown

• "People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves." - Unknown

• "Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back." - Unknown

• "The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family." - Unknown

• "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes." - Unknown

• "Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that." - Unknown

• "I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected." - Unknown

• "I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans." - Unknown

• "Two wifi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic." - Unknown

• "Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions." - Unknown

• "I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint–a Saint Bernard!" - Rodney Dangerfield

• "A man walked into a bar...It hurt." - Unknown

Funny One Liner Jokes

One Liner Jokes - Photo by Christian_Birkholz from Pixabay

• "The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense." - Unknown

• "I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count." - Unknown

• "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car." - Unknown

• "I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’" - Unknown

• "Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician." - Unknown

• "I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure." - Unknown

• "My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that." - Unknown

• "Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’" - Unknown

• "Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life." - Unknown

• "Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water." - Unknown

• "Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it." - Unknown

• "I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass." - Unknown

• "What’s a frog’s favorite type of shoes? Open toad sandals." - Unknown

• "Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene." - Unknown

• "Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training." - Unknown

• "If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy." - Demetri Martin

Best One Liner Jokes

• "I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke." - Unknown

• "When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic." - Unknown

• "My father has schizophrenia, but he’s good people." - Unknown

• "Never trust atoms; they make up everything." - Unknown

• "A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’" - Unknown

• "I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila." - Unknown

• "I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it." - Unknown

• "I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down." - Unknown

• "If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?" - Unknown

• "People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders." - Unknown

• "Blunt pencils are really pointless." - Unknown

• "What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care." - Unknown

• "If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler." - Unknown

• "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." - Steven Wright

• "I hate sitting in traffic because I always get run over." - Milton Jones

Dirty One Liner Jokes

One Liner Jokes - Photo by Here and now, unfortunately, ends my journey on Pixabay from Pixabay

• "Atheism is a non-prophet organization." - Unknown

• "I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation." - Tim Vine

• "I hate Russian Dolls. They are so fucking full of themselves." - Unknown

• "What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers!" - Unknown

• "What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap." - Unknown

• "Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!" - Unknown

• "What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas!" - Unknown

• "What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!" - Unknown

• "What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor!" - Unknown

• "What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead." - Unknown

• "Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!" - Unknown

• "If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang." - Unknown

Clean One Liner Jokes

• "I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me." - Unknown

• "Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do." - Unknown

• "It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do." - Unknown

• "The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally." - Unknown

• "My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!" - Unknown

• "The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast." - Unknown

• "I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised." - Unknown

• "Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap." - Unknown

• "The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list." - Unknown

• "A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it." - Unknown

• "I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right." - Unknown

• "It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers." - Unknown

• "6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down." - Unknown

• "One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure." - Unknown

• "The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP." - Unknown

• "I’ve got two straws in here, in case one breaks down." - Mitch Hedberg

• "A perfectionist walks into a bar. Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough." - Unknown

• "Crime in multi-story car park. That is wrong on so many different levels." - Tim Vine

That's all one liner jokes compiled by Tripboba, are there any funniest jokes for you? Share your thoughts with us through the comment section below!