40+ George Carlin Quotes: Wonderful Thoughts from Legendary Comic to Blow Up Your Mind and Humor

May 04, 2021 10:00 PM

George Carlin Quotes - Photo by GonzaKnox from Pixabay
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Tripboba.com - Born in New York on May 12, 1937, George Carlin was a comic that is known for his vulgar language, and controversial views on politics, religion, and other sensitive subjects. His career of being a comic spanned for five decades, from 193 to 2008.

His first appearance was in The Tonight Show in 1962. Having controversial views, what came out of his mouth somehow be shocking, and sometimes vulgar, but it is often his railing against injustice. He has many interesting quotes about life in his show.

If you are looking for inspiring George Carlin quotes to lighten your mood and mind, you've come to the right page. Check the best George Carlin quotes only on Tripboba!

List of George Carlin Funny Quotes

Here are some of the lists with funny and thought-provoking George Carlin quotes. His quotes will surely make your days brighter.

Best George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes - Photo by Little David Records from WIkimedia Commons

George Carlin's views are broad from religion to the political field. Find the best George Carlin quotes here.

George Carlin quotes American Dream

  • "That's why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."

George Carlin quotes on Stupid People

  • "Here's all you need to know about men and women. Women are crazy. Men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

George Carlin quotes on Pride

  • "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see....We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters."
  • “Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill...it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a predisposition for colon cancer.”

George Carlin Religious Quotes

George Carlin Quotes - Photo by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Known for his humor, these George Carlin is rather hilarious and sarcastic than religious. Check them out

  • "If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else."
  • "Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
  • "What year did Jesus think it was?"
  • "Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
  • "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
  • "I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
  • "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."
  • "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky."
  • "Religion is just mind control."
  • "Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy."
  • "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."

George Carlin Political Quotes

George Carlin Quotes - Photo by Luis Penados from Wikimedia Commons

George Carlin is known for his outspoken views on politics. Here are some of George Carlin with his point of view about politics.

  • "The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."
  • "In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."
  • "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
  • "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."
  • "Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."
  • "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
  • "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."
  • "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers."
  • "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
  • "You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
  • "These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people."

George Carlin Quotes Government

George Carlin Quotes - Photo by Bonnie from WIkimedia Commons

Here are more of George Carlin Quotes on government.

  • "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts."  
  • “Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. It simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible.”
  • “Americans really show their ignorance when they say they want their politicians to be honest. What are these fuckin’ cretins talking about? If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse!”
  • “Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare, or your safety. It simply doesn’t give a fuck about you. It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible.”
  • “Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid.”
  • “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
  • “I, George Carlin, being of sound mind, do not wish, upon my demise, to be buried or cremated. I wish to be BLOWN UP.”
  • "George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
  • “Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”
  • “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
  • “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
  • "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to have selfish, ignorant leaders."  
    "In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."

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