45 Amazing Dwight Schrute Quotes for the Fans of “The Office”

Apr 13, 2021 11:30 PM

Dwight Schrute Quotes - Photo by IMDb from www.imdb.com
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Tripboba.com - Dwight Schrute is undoubtedly one of television's most attractive characters. He is definitely one of the most bizarre and unique characters ever created. Although Dwight proves to be very, very strange, he also shows a sweet and sensitive side. And above all, he is unforgettable.

Here are the best 45 Dwight Schrute quotes from “The Office”—a much-missed show.

Best Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes - Photo by IMDb from www.imdb.com

Get incredible life lessons taught by Dwight Schrute quotes below.

1. “When I die, I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.”

2. “I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.”

3. “Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.”

4. “I always wondered how they picked the person to die. I’d be good at picking the person.”

5. “I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”

6. “My perfect Valentine’s day? I’m at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.”

7. “You better learn your rules. If you don’t, you’ll be eaten in your sleep.”

8. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.”

9. “A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.”

10. “I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me.”

11. “Women are like wolves. If you want one, you must trap it. Snare it. Tame it. Feed it.”

Dwight Schrute Inspirational Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes - Photo by IMDb from www.imdb.com

Get inspired by reading these Dwight Schrute quotes.

12. “The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.”

13. “I signed up for second life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same… except I could fly.”

14. “There are three things you never turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season.”

15. “And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure.’”

16. “There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re downriver from that old bread factory.”

17. “I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.”

18. “In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.”

19. “Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

20. “People say, ‘oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace.’ Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose.”

21. “It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.”

22. “No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”

Funny Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes - Photo by IMDb from www.imdb.com

Be ready to laugh with these hilarious Dwight Schrute quotes below.

23. “All you need is love? False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food, and shelter.”

24. “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.”

25. “Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.”

26. “Michael is like Mozart, and I’m like Butch Cassidy. You mess with Mozart and you’re gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.”

27. “I really like Andy these days. He’s pretended, and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we’re in for an epic, confusing showdown.”

28. “They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy!”

29. “Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last!”

30. “In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is oh, I broke my leg! A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion. You’re dead!”

31. “I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. ‘Cause, that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it.”

32. “I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… and a panther.”

33. “I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes.”

Famous Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes - Photo by IMDb from www.imdb.com

Let’s recall the interesting show with these well-known Dwight Schrute quotes.

34. “To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this. Maybe they have something against living forever.”

35. “Once I’m officially regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So, I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.”

36. “As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of its misery. With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical.”

37. “I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.”

38. “Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.”

39. “D.W.I.G.H.T. Determined. Worker. Intense. Good worker. Hard worker. Terrific.”

40. “Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.”

41. “No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”

42. “Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?”

43. "Of course, martial arts training is relevant… Uh, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ… You know what, you can go to hell, and I will see you there. Burning!”

44. “As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy, I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out… she was. With a couple of guys actually, so… mystery solved.”

45. “The eyes are the groin of the head.”

That’s all about 45 Dwight Schrute quotes that will remind us how interesting “The Office” was. Feel free to share this post about Dwight Schrute quotes with your friends too.

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