45 Best Heathers Quotes That Make You Laugh Out Loud

Christian Slater Heathers Quotes

• "Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling." - Christian Slater

• "Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse." - Christian Slater

• "Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes." - Christian Slater

• "Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?" - Christian Slater

• "I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya..." - Christian Slater

• "The extreme always seems to make an impression." - Christian Slater

• "I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambiance." - Christian Slater

• "Well they, uh, seem to have an open-door policy for assholes though, don't they?" - Christian Slater

• I'll repeat myself." - Christian Slater

• "People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say; "now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep." - Christian Slater

• "That's the stupidest question I've ever heard." - Christian Slater

• "Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie." - Christian Slater

• "The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven." - Christian Slater

• "Is your life perfect?" - Christian Slater

• "Maybe it's time to take a vacation." - Christian Slater

• "Well, ah... Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene." - Christian Slater

• "Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water." - Christian Slater

• "Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress." - Christian Slater

• "Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination." - Christian Slater

• "Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself." - Christian Slater

The Heathers Quotes

• "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Teresa?" - Heather Chandler

• "If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game-show host." - Veronica Sawyer

• "She’s my best friend. God, I hate her." - Veronica Sawyer

• "Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make." - Pauline Fleming

• "Your daydreams are a lot better than my reality, believe me." - Veronica Sawyer

• "Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people 'real-life.' She said, real-life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said you're beautiful." - Veronica Sawyer

• "What's your damage, Heather?" - Veronica Sawyer

Best Heathers Quotes

• "I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah." - Heather Duke

• "Did you hear? School’s canceled today ‘cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact." - Student

• "Grow up Heather, bulimia’s so ’87." - Heather Chandler

• "I don't patronize bunny rabbits." - Veronica's Dad

• "I just killed my best friend!" - Veronica Sawyer

• "Some people need different kinds of convincing than others." - Heather Duke

• "Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullshit now has a body count." - Veronica Sawyer

• "All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits." - Veronica Sawyer

• "If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game show host." - Veronica Sawyer

• "How very." - Veronica Sawyer

Funny Heathers Quotes

Heathers Quotes - Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

• "My son’s a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son." - Kurt's Dad

• "This isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle." - Veronica Sawyer

• "Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?" - Heather Duke

• "Same difference." - Veronica Sawyer

• "Suicide is a private thing." - Heather McNamara

• "Goddamn, will somebody tell me why I read these spy novels." - Veronica's Dad

• "No, Heather, it's Heather's turn." - Heather Chandler

• "Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up." - Veronica Sawyer