45 Funny Marriage Quotes That Are Too Relatable to Every Married Couple Out There

45 Funny Marriage Quotes That Are Too Relatable to Every Married Couple Out There
Funny Marriage Quotes - Photo by Cleyder Duque from Pexels

Tripboba.com - Marriage can often be silly, too. Though a happy marriage is usually far from perfect, let’s not forget that no matter how hard a married life can be, it’s often riddled with hilarious moments that actually remind us that life is beautiful.

Whether you’ve just recently entered the marriage world or are no longer a newlywed, have a good laugh with these funny marriage quotes!

On this page, Tripboba has gathered some funny marriage quotes that are surely so relatable to every married couple out there. So, read thoroughly this article and enjoy your married life more!

Funny quotes about marriage

Funny marriage quotes for newlyweds

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Are you getting married soon? Welcome to hell! Just take these funny marriage quotes with a grain of salt and have a good laugh with your new spouse.

  • “Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!” — Zeenat Essa
  • “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
  • “Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” — Zig Ziglar TC mark
  • “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
  • “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Philip
  • “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
  • “Love, (n.) A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
  • “Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
  • “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and woman gets her master’s degree.” — Rama Kochhar
  • “Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” — G. K. Chesterton
  • “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” — Stephen Leacock
  • “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
  • “If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
  • “Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” — Elbert Hubbard

Funny marriage anniversary quotes

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Celebrate your wedding anniversary by sending these funny marriage quotes to each other and crack up together.

  • “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henny Youngman
  • “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” — Anonymous
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
  • “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” — Albert Einstein
  • “Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.” — Carrie
  • “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — NOT A BOOK
  • “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft
  • “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” — Jean Kerr
  • “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash
  • “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
  • “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” — Beverley Nichols
  • “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
  • “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” — Eddie Cantor
  • “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” — Woody Allen

Funny marriage quotes from movies

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Enjoy these funny marriage quotes taken from movies for a good laugh with your spouse.

  • "Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." — Letters to Juliet
  • "If you are ever with a girl that is too good for you – marry her." — Valentine's Day
  • "We were perfectly happy until we decided to live happily ever after." — Sex and the City
  • "I'd do anything to save my marriage but I just haven't got the time." — Sex and the Single Girl
  • "Marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance." — The Story of Us
  • "Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable." — Forget Paris
  • "We both said, 'I do!' and we haven't agreed on a single thing since." — So I Married an Axe Murderer
  • "A wedding is like a funeral, but with musicians." — Mobsters
  • "Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage." — Clue
  • "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’, only it doesn't last twenty-two minutes. It last forever." — Knocked Up
  • "(To marry again) is the victory of optimism over experience." — The Private Life of Henry VIII
  • "Did you know that the institution of marriage was created when the average person lived to the age of 30?" — The Last Kiss
  • "A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late." — The Joker is Wild
  • "Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries." — Wayne's World
  • “Good luck finding somebody to put up with your shit for more than, like, six months. Okay? But I accept the whole package, the crazy and the brilliant. Alright? I know you’re not gonna change and I don’t want you to. It’s called accepting you for being you.” —Before Midnight


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