50 John Mulaney Quotes That'll Have You Crying Of Laughter

Apr 07, 2021 11:27 PM

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Tripboba.com - John Mulaney is an American comic artist, entertainer, essayist, and professional creator. Most famous for his work on Saturday Night Live and his great satire, Mulaney has been a significant event since 2008.

He was only a kid when he understood that he needed to go to Broadway. While in middle school, instead of making reports, Mulaney and their dear friends (at the time) would have their instructor allow them to do what they realized in the arrangement of a play.

After graduating, he moved to New York to pursue his fantasies of becoming an entertainer. He was fortunate enough to find an office job at Comedy Central, and a few years after the fact, he was recruited into the composing group SNL. There, he thought of some of his most famous representations.

In 2018, he also made his film debut, voicing Peter Porker in the PC-powered film Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

Whether he's working in the background or offering a dramatic presentation, Mulaney is effectively one of the most intelligent and most capable comedians out there.

Here are 50 John Mulaney quotes that will enhance your day:

Best John Mulaney Quotes

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John Mulaney quotes are the smartest idiom you will cover. Although it was thought that his profession as a joke artist made him naturally funny, he worked hard at it. If you're having a dull day, consider looking at a picture of John Mulaney and joking around for a good laugh. You can never turn sour with John Mulaney quotes. Understand more:

  • "I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?’" John Mulaney
  • "Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome." John Mulaney
  • "I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting." John Mulaney
  • "I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table." John Mulaney
  • "You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term." John Mulaney
  • "I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment." John Mulaney
  • "I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion." John Mulaney
  • "You remember being 12, when you’re like, ‘No one look at me or I’ll kill myself.’" John Mulaney
  • You’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like, ‘It’s tomorrow now.’ Get out of here with your technicalities. Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting." John Mulaney
  • "All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it." John Mulaney
  • "I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me." John Mulaney
  • "You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don’t know what they’re talking about." John Mulaney
  • "I can’t listen to any new songs. Because every new song is about how tonight is the night and we only have tonight. That is such 19-year-old horseshit. I want to write songs for people in their 30s called ‘Tonight’s no good. How about wednesday? Oh, you’re in Dallas Wednesday? Let’s not see each other for eight months and it doesn’t matter at all.’" John Mulaney

John Mulaney Funny Quotes

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John Mulaney was known for all things clever. From his SNL experiences to his schedule of standup parodies, check out the funniest John Mulaney quotes minutes here!

  • "It’s important to remember that life is a joke and that outlook grants a lot of perspective, but I don’t think comedy should change and become political due to other things. It should just laugh at that cosmic joke that life is all the time." John Mulaney
  • "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair." John Mulaney
  • "Now, I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time." John Mulaney
  • "You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit." John Mulaney
  • "13-year-olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you." John Mulaney
  • "I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don’t worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you’ll be able to make this into an episode of TV." John Mulaney
  • "My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you." John Mulaney
  • "College was like a four-year game show called ‘Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?’" John Mulaney
  • "Why do people shush animals? They just go ‘Shhh, hey, shhh.’ They’ve never spoken." John Mulaney
  • "In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin." John Mulaney
  • "If it’s something very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it’s truly funny, then it’s worth doing. Things aren’t worth doing for the sake of being controversial." John Mulaney
  • "We started chanting, McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s! And my dad pulled into the drive thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving." John Mulaney
  • "I don’t look older, I just look worse." John Mulaney
  • "You are gathered together as a school, and you are told never to talk to an adult you don’t know. And you are told this, by an adult you don’t know." John Mulaney

John Mulaney Quotes Growing Up big and Strong

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John Mulaney is one of the most famous professional comics in America. He serves as an entertainer, essayist, and author. In the post, we'll bring you John Mulaney quotes.

Before you start reading all of John Mulaney quotes, you can also read more about John Mulaney from Wikipedia if you don't know much about this legend.

  • “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.” – John Mulaney
  • “For those of you who don’t know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and soldiers on.” John Mulaney
  • “It’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them.” John Mulaney
  • “You have your law practice, and me, I have all these fucking markers.” John Mulaney
  • “If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.” John Mulaney
  • “I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the king of stress that I am under.” John Mulaney
  • “Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s — as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you hd a 99% chance of getting away with it.” John Mulaney
  • “Girl Scout cookies are delicious! They come in Thin Mint and Samoa and also other flavors. How come I have to know a child in a beret to order them? Just sell me the cookies. I have American money. Just put them in a store and I’ll buy them.” John Mulaney
  • “When I’m walking down the street I don’t think anybody goes, ‘Hey look at that man’, they’re just like ‘Woah, that tall child looks terrible’.”  John Mulaney
  • “I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.” – John Mulaney
  • “Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s — as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.” – John Mulaney
  • “Now I get to say, ‘my wife’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say ‘my wife’. John Mulaney
  • “I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I’m not Asian-American.” John Mulaney

John Mulaney Short Funny Quotes

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John Mulaney was unmistakably a very talented and smart man. Read on to appreciate the best John Mulaney quotes and jokes that will make you understand his jokes.

  • "I’m looking forward to saying it a lot. ‘Get away from my wife!’ ‘No one talk to my wife!’ ‘I didn’t kill my wife!’.” John Mulaney
  • “I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. You watch cartoons and quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about, behind the actual sticks of dynamite and giant anvils falling on you from the sky.” John Mulaney
  • “All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe seventy-five times. I still don’t understand it.” John Mulaney
  • “I was once on the phone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence. That’s like when your Gram would be like, ‘We’d all go to play jacks by the side fountain.’ And you’re like, ‘Nobody knows what you’re talking about, you idiot’.” John Mulaney
  • “We’ve been pretty hot and heavy lately. I think it’s time we bring in two older Catholic people.” John Mulaney
  • “Late at night, on the street, women will see me as a threat. That is funny, yeah! It’s kind of flattering in its own way, but at the same time it’s weird because, like, I’m still afraid of being kidnapped.” John Mulaney
  • “It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of ‘Law & Order’ in my apartment.” John Mulaney
  • “Do you want a salad or fries? That’s like asking, ‘Do you want to go for a jog or freebase cocaine?’.” John Mulaney
  • “You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.” – John Mulaney
  • “I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment.” – John Mulaney
  • “I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.” – John Mulaney
  • “I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.” – John Mulaney

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