55+ Funniest Seinfeld Quotes from the Famous "Sitcom" Ever!

55+ Funniest Seinfeld Quotes from the Famous
Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by The FUDGY from Flickr

Tripboba.com - Seinfeld is well known as an American sitcom television series that was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. 

Seinfeld is often described as " a show about nothing", Seinfeld mines the humor in life's commonplace situations like holding up in line, searching for a lost thing, or the trials of dating.

Co-stars are Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Jerry's ex and current non-romantic companion, Elaine Benes; Jason Alexander as George Costanza, Jerry's psychotic closest companion; and Michael Richards as Jerry's flighty neighbor Kramer.

To get nostalgic with theis sitcom, you can scroll down to this list of Seinfeld quotes as Tripboba has compiled below. 

Let's get started!

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by Alan Light from Flickr

Here are some Seinfeld quotes that you can copy-paste.

  • "It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
  • "Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
  • "To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."
  • "You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
  • "Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
  • "Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
  • "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
  • "A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
  • "The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."
  • "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
  • "Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
  • "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
  • "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."
  • "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."
  • "Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box."

Best Seinfeld Quotes

Best Seinfeld Quotes
Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by Maree magafas from Flickr

You can also see the following best of Seinfeld quotes!

  • “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.”
  • “She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.”
  • “Oh I gotta get on that internet, I’m late on everything!”
  • “Boutros Boutros-Ghali.”
  • “He’s nice, a bit of a close talker.”
  • “She had many hands.”
  • “I’m a fancy boy.”
  • “You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I’m on to something.”
  • “I’m on no sleep, no sleep!”
  • “You’re a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I can’t really handle any more.”
  • “I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself!”
  • “Looking at cleavage is like looking into the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.”
  • “That’s a shame.”

Elaine Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by Good Looking Women from Flickr

Here are the other Seinfeld quotes about Elaine.

  • “I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.”
  • “He took IT out.”
  • “We just wanna take this and add that.”
  • “You’re bald! I don’t like this thing! And here’s what I’m doing with it!”
  • “I can’t do this anymore, it’s too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die!”
  • “It’s true… I’m George, I’m George!”
  • “She just bought me some new panties and they’re all ‘laid out for me’.”
  • “I’m speechless. I’m without speech.”
  • “I don’t need you to tell me what I don’t want, you stupid hipster doofus.”
  • “I’m Queen of the castle.”
  • “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”
  • “That’s my nipple!”

Seinfeld Quotes About Work

Seinfeld Quotes About Work
Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by andromeda2080 from Flickr

More about Seinfeld quotes, choose one of your favorite quotes below.

  • “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses — like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?” — Jerry
  • “Can you die from an odor? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?”— Elaine
  • “You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. ‘The Beach’. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.”— Kramer
  • “I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?” — George
  • “Hey, how come people don’t have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can’t it be a meal, you know? I don’t understand stuff like that.” — Puddy
  • “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?” — Jerry
  • “Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it.” — Morty Seinfeld
  • “Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel.” — Newman
  • “You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen… So who is having sex with the rooster?” — Frank Costanza
  • “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?” — George

J Peterman Seinfeld Quotes

Seinfeld Quotes - Photo by Steve Garfield from Flickr

Scroll down to the following list of Seinfeld quotes about J Peterman below.

  • “That’s right, Elaine. White lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.”
  • “Oh, my neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.”
  • “When you get to that chapter about my romantic escapades, feel free to toss yourself into the mix.”
  • “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget Susie. Most of all, I will never forget that one night, working late on the catalog. Just the two of us. And we surrendered to temptation. And it was pretty good.”
  • “You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.”
  • “Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price, your soul. Oh, by the way, you have until five to clear out your desk. You’re fired.”
  • “One moment. I’m reading the most fascinating article on the most fascinating people of the year…and, done.”
  • “Elaine, who among us hasn’t snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?”
  • “Kudos, Elaine, on a job…done.”

Thank you for reading all about the Seinfeld quotes above. Hope you like it. 


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