60 Hilarious Archer Quotes Only for the Fans!

Archer Best Quotes

• "What a load of shit. I should be looking for my partner's killer but instead, I'm looking for a damn finger." - Archer

• "I mean, the size of that thing." - Archer

• "I think, technically, it's a...loincloth?" - Archer

• "Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules." - Archer

• "Physically unchanged for a hundred million years because it's the perfect killing machine." - Archer

• "Everything! They eat everything! And that fear is their bacon bits!" - Archer

• "Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock." - Archer

• "Thank you. What was your name again?" - Archer

• "Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?" - Archer

• "No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of Vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen." - Archer

• "We look totally gay!" - Archer

• "Name the douchebag who is in charge!" - Archer

• "Vincent van Go-fuck-myself. Survey says!" - Archer

Archer Quotes Krieger

• "If I wanted your asshole on my mouth, I'd do it while you were asleep!" - Krieger

• "Look, I'm just following orders." - Krieger

• "Yeah, tell ME about Nazis." - Krieger

• "And by the way, if I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn't I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!" - Krieger

• "Maybe I didn't go to some fancy-pancy Ivy League med school, and maybe I didn't go to some other med school, even the one down in Grenada which was my fall-back but whatever, that doesn't give you the right to bully me! I have had it!" - Krieger

• "I've been working on miniaturization for years!" - Krieger

• "Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?" - Krieger

• "Well I was gonna say "putty in yours" m'dear but I'll have to hand it to ya!" - Krieger

• "Unless the problem is a solution with an overly alkaline pH balance." - Krieger

• "I'm not even 100% sure where I am right now." - Krieger

• "Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!" - Krieger

• "That's what they said about Tesla's deathray! So this favor. Lana...wait, Lana, what's this favor?!" - Krieger

• "That wasn't a brain chip. That was a just a sticker of the backpack of a little Lego spaceman." - Krieger

• "Well, no, but a student of life." - Krieger

• "And if there's one thing I love more than triumph, it's annoying vagueness." - Krieger

• "I think it's some unholy adolescent human amphibian hybrid creature." - Krieger

• "It's not supposed to be funny." - Krieger

• "You'd be amazed what you people do when you think you're alone. Cyril." - Krieger

• "Stop. My penis can only get so erect." - Krieger

• "Do you ever want to walk again?" - Krieger

Archer Quotes Pam

• "I was voted best milker!" - Pam

• "o! The solution to every problem isn't throwing freakin' acid on it." - Pam

• "So, who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserk." - Pam

• "Is that a real you think about it or Pam, if your pig Leon wins a blue ribbon at the county fair, maybe we won’t kill him and eat him for Easter dinner and render what's left into soap, you'll think about it?" - Pam

• "My cooch has cobwebs!" - Pam

• "This is Rodney, he's new...whatever...gun librarian." - Pam

• "Speaking of, you see the bulge on that towel boy? Man, if I was you, I'd be in this spa 25/8." - Pam

• "Man, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy say that...I'd have eight nickels!" - Pam

• "So then it's settled. We’re going on Operation...What should we called it?" - Pam

• "Freaking' head's poundin', I'm sweatin' booze, and my mouth's killin' me!" - Pam

• "I’m a desirable, full-bodied woman, but nobody will have sex with me! And I have so much love to giiiiiiiiive!" - Pam

• "I swear to God, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would." - Pam

• "I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would." - Pam

• "My head feels like a bunch of monkeys fighting over a bucket of marbles." - Pam

Archer Quotes Lana

Archer Quotes - Photo by Gracini Studios from Pixabay

• "Would it be safe to assume that no one wants to drink what's in your thermos?" - Lana

• "Just promise to use your powers for good." - Lana

• "Don't take this the wrong way but, did your dick get bigger?" - Lana

• "What's in Miami?" - Lana

• "That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex." - Lana

• "I am literally wet with jealousy." - Lana

• "Uhhh, with your looks, maybe bitchy is not the way to go." - Lana

• "Have you ever heard a country song?" - Lana

• "Your words made sense. Your sarcastic tone did not." - Lana

• "Shut your d*ckholes, get your gear, shut up again, and start walking." - Lana

• "Animal Farm is a BOOK!" - Lana

• "I don’t need a baby to validate my existence." - Lana

• "My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet!" - Lana

That's all Archer quotes compiled by Tripboba, now it's time to share your favorite Archer quotes!