70 Barber Quotes and Memes That Are Relatable to Us

Barber quotes sayings

Famous barber shop quotes

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• "A barber lathers a man before he shaves him." ― Dale Carnegie 

• "To make a fine gentleman, several trades are required, but chiefly a barber." - Oliver Goldsmith 

• "I did study the art of being a barber because I wanted to figure out what my routine would be. Do you start in the front or back? Top or bottom? Swivel the chair or walk around? What I did discover is there's no such thing as the perfect haircut!" ― Sean Patrick Thomas

• "Like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks." ― William Shakespeare

• "I've had the same barber since I was about 14 years old." ― Victor Cruz

• "If you teach a poor young man to shave himself, and keep his razor in order, you may contribute more to the happiness of his life than in giving him a thousand guineas." ― Benjamin Franklin

• "The first (barbers) that entered Italy came out of Sicily and it was in the 454 yeare after the foundation of Rome. Brought in they were by P. Ticinius Mena as Verra doth report for before that time they never cut their hair. The first that was shaven every day was Scipio Africanus, and after cometh Augustus the Emperor who evermore used the razor." ― Pliny the Elder

• "With odorous oil thy head and hair are sleek; And then thou kemb'st the tuzzes on thy cheek: Of these, my barbers take a costly care." ― John Dryden

• "When I was a barber, me being extreme was how I got popular: you name it, I was drawing it on someone's head." ― Swizz Beatz

• "If I was switched from whatever I'm doing, and I was, for some reason, made the chief football writer in any newspaper, then I'd retire. I'd go back to being a barber." ― Steve Bunce

• “Every barber thinks everybody needs a haircut.” ― M.F. Moonzajer

• “Growth of human hair is the absolute blessing for a barber” ― Munia Khan

• “Goods are traded, but services are consumed and produced in the same place. And you cannot export a haircut. But we are coming close to exporting a haircut, the appointment part. What kind of haircut do you want? Which barber do you want? All those things can and will be done by a call center far away.” ― Thomas L. Friedman, The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century

Barber shop quotes

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• "Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop." ― Bernie Mac

• "I don't have any beauty shop memories. I remember the barber shop." ― Jenifer Lewis

• "When's the last time you went into a barber shop and saw everyone there unconsious?" ― Bobby Heenan

• "There's things people say in the barbershop they won't even say in their own living room, because it's just one of those zones where nobody's going to judge you too much about your dumb opinion." ― Ice Cube

• "Barbershop conversations are irrefutable proof that heads exist for the sake of hair." ― Karl Kraus

• "No matter what barbershop you go to, there's always that guy who's just hanging around and doesn't do much, but knows everything that's going on in the community." ― Deon Cole

• "Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine." ― Rowan Atkinson

• "For me, it's all about the haircut. I don't have a lot of hair to style, so I keep it nice and fresh and tight. I actually go to the barbershop every five days. As soon as your haircut is on point, you have to make sure your outfit is fully ironed, you smell good, and you have clean sneakers on. Pretty much the head-to-toe look." ― Vinny Guadagnino

• "When you go into your customary barber shop, you will wait for the man who gives you a little better shave, a little trimmer hair-cut. Business leaders are looking for the same things in their offices that you look for in the barber shop." ― Charles M. Schwab

• "A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!" ― Henny Youngman

• "I worked in a barbershop. I used to make the waves in the brother's hair, you know? Like, Nat King Cole, Sugar Ray Robinson." ― George Clinton

• "I think of fans like a barbershop. I want that debate." ― Pitbull

• "I tend to go with things people need. Obviously with the barbershop, people will need haircuts regardless of the economy." ― Kamerion Wimbley

• "I have noticed that most men when they enter a barber shop and must wait their turn, drop into a chair and pick up a magazine. I simply sit down and pick up the thread of my sea wanderings, which began more than fifty years ago and is not quite ended. There is hardly a waiting room in the east that has not served as my cockpit, whether I was waiting to board a train or to see a dentist. And I am usually still trimming sheets when the train starts or drill begins to whine." ― E. B. White

• "This is a barbershop, not a hair salon. You come in here not trying to impress anyone. It's a place just to talk, to hang out with the fellows, talk about sports, women, relationships." ― Joe Davis 

• "All the barbershops and funeral-homes were open  and the customers were coming and the business was doing great. " ― Regina Spektor 

• "When's the last time you went into a barber shop and saw everyone there unconsious?" ― Bobby Heenan

• "What is there of the divine in a load of brick? What ... in a barber shop? ... Much. All." ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Funny barber quotes

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• “Don’t mess with your barber. He can ruin your look by giving you a disaster haircut.” ― Unknown

• "Being a barber is about taking care of the people." ― Anthony Hamilton 

• "Beware of the young doctor and the old barber." ― Benjamin Franklin 

• "No barber shaves so close but another finds worke." ― George Herbert 

• "Your barber always knows everything that goes on in the town, doesn't he?" ― Adam Peaty 

• "I'm always at the top of barbershop gossip." ― Drake 

• "Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole." ― Wesley Willis

• "If the guy that writes you checks says cut your hair, off to the barber shop you go. That's that." ― Paul Konerko

• "Never ask a barber if you need a haircut." ― Warren Buffett

• "If you keep walking past the barbers, eventually you'll get a haircut." ― Paul Merson

• "You can find out a lot sitting in the barber's." ― Dizzee Rascal

• "I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it." ― Tim Conway

• "I must to the barber's, monsieur, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face." ― William Shakespeare

• "A barber is by nature and inclination a sport. He can tell you at what exact hour the ball game is to begin, can foretell its issue without losing a stroke of the razor, and can explain the points of inferiority of all the players, as compared with the better men that he has personally seen elsewhere, with the nicety of a professional." ― Stephen Leacock

• "Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a hair cut." ― Warren Buffett

• "You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut." ― Jeff Foxworthy

• "I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out." ― Robert Frost

• "Sometimes I have better relationships with my barber then with people who are into cinema from an upper class." ― Gaspar Noe

• "A prating barber asked Archelaus how he would be trimmed. He answered, "In silence."" ― Plutarch

• "The killing of everyone was the easy part, the most difficult part was lathering them up and shaving them, that's the part that freaked me out the most." ― Johnny Depp

• “One of the hardest things for a man to find is a good wife and a good barber” ― Sotero M Lopez II

• “A jobless barber shall learn new hairstyles” ― Sir P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

• “Do you trust your barber enough to close your eyes during a haircut?” ― Sarvesh Jain

• “In a way the philosopher and the barber are of the same guild; the barber cuts hair and the philosopher splits hairs.” ― José Ortega y Gasset, Man and People

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Barber quotes from @BarberQuotes:

• “Today, be the badass barber you were born to be.”

• “Keep it simple, keep it classic!”

• “Don’t just be a barber… be someone who inspires people to want to become one.”

• “Sometimes the greatest adventure is simply a conversation.”

Clients’ epic chatters from @barbershopquotes:

• I don’t have any enemies, I outlived the bastards.” – Guy in Chair on his 95th Birthday

• “He’s tighter than the skin on a grape.” – Guy in Chair - referring to his frugal barber

• “A hard working woman is better than three rent houses.” – Guy in Chair

• “I wouldn’t vote for anyone arrogant enough to run for office.” – Patriotic Guy in Chair

• “Most of my true stories are true.” – Honest Guy in Chair

• “Marrage is like a hot bath: you get used to it after a while.” – Married Guy in Chair

• “Don’t ever get in an argument with an idiot: because a stranger could come up and not know which one of you is the idiot.” – Guy in Chair

• “If life hands you melons, you may be dyslexic.” – Guy in Chair

• “If you are looking for something soft, go home and shit in your hand.” – Guy in Chair - response to a young man complaining about life being ‘too hard’

• “This is like watching two monkeys fuck a football!” – Guy in Chair - Watching two barbers attempt to install a barber pole

• “They’re so poor they can’t afford to pay attention.” – Guy in Chair - referring to his hometown in Michigan