75 Funny Witty Quotes About Love, Friendship, and Life

75 Funny Witty Quotes About Love, Friendship, and Life
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Tripboba.com - Looking for some inspiration yet craving good humor? You’d love these witty quotes!

Tripboba has got you covered with a collection of witty quotes about love, life, marriage, the friendship that will strike your funny bone! We also have some witty quotes just perfect for any brilliant, sarcastic people!

So, keep scrolling and find your fave lines to share with your friends or make them as the photo captions for your Instagram feed!

Witty funny quotes

Witty sarcastic quotes

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We’ve compiled a list of top funny, sarcastic sayings and witty quotes about sarcasm.

  • “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” — Robin Williams, Actor
  • “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” — Steven Wright
  • “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” — Robin Williams, Actor
  • “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” — Ashleigh Brilliant
  • “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams, Actor
  • “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” — Oscar Wilde
  • “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” Steven Wright
  • “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” — Sarah Rees Brennan
  • “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” — Edgar Allen Poe, Writer
  • “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” — Lawrence Ferlinghetti
  • “Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!” — Robin Williams, Actor
  • “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey, Comedian
  • “’Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.” ― Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
  • “I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
  • “Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.” ― Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer

Witty wedding quotes

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Fancy giving guests a laugh during your wedding speech? Try these witty quotes about wedding and marriage life!

  • “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” — Groucho Marx
  • “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
  • “Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.” — Gene Perret
  • “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” — Sacha Guitry
  • “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” — Will Rogers
  • “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
  • “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
  • “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” — Groucho Marx
  • “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” — Max Kauffmann
  • “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx
  • “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” — James Holt McGavran
  • “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray
  • “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” — Joey Adams
  • “Behind every great man – there’s a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

Witty love quotes

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Giggle and fall in love at the same time with these witty quotes and sayings!

  • “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford
  • “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” — Lorrie Moore
  • “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood, Actress
  • “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” — Sir Winston Churchill
  • “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
  • “Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.” — Judith Viorst
  • "You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” — Rey Woodman
  • “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz
  • “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” — Richard Lewis
  • “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis
  • “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen
  • “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” — Lily Tomlin
  • “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
  • “Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat.” ― Laura Pedersen, Best Bet

Witty friendship quotes

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Send these witty quotes to your awesome, crazy friends!

  • “’We...we could be friends.' We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.” ― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
  • "Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice." — Otto von Bismarck
  • “A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.” — Jim Hayes
  • “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich
  • “Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” — Charles Lamb
  • “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” — Laurence J. Peter
  • “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
  • "When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun." — Groucho Marx
  • "Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with." — Robert Brault
  • "I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places." — Mark Twain
  • "It’s important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to the friendship that we are not." — Mignon McLaughlin
  • "If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal." — Oprah Winfrey
  • "Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed." — Laurie Colwin
  • "Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!" — Bronwyn Polson

Witty life quotes

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You don’t have to take life too seriously all the time. So take a deep breath and have some good laughs with these witty quotes.

  • "Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants." — Karl Lagerfeld
  • "A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life." — William Arthur Ward
  • "Life Sucks, get a helmet" — Denis Leary
  • "Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic." — Jane Wagner
  • "I believe that life is hard. That we all are going to walk through things that are hard and challenging, and yet advertising wants us to believe that it's all easy." — Jamie Lee Curtis
  • “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” — Stephen Hawking
  • “Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.” — Julian Barnes
  • “If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution.” — Jasper Fforde
  • “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
  • “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen
  • “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there” — George Harrison
  • “The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” — Josh Lanyon
  • “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
  • “I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.” — Arthur C. Clarke
  • “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” — Woody Allen

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