75 Funny Witty Quotes About Love, Friendship, and Life


Witty love quotes

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Giggle and fall in love at the same time with these witty quotes and sayings!

  • “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford
  • “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” — Lorrie Moore
  • “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood, Actress
  • “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” — Sir Winston Churchill
  • “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
  • “Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.” — Judith Viorst
  • "You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” — Rey Woodman
  • “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz
  • “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” — Richard Lewis
  • “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis
  • “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen
  • “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” — Lily Tomlin
  • “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
  • “Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat.” ― Laura Pedersen, Best Bet

Witty friendship quotes

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Send these witty quotes to your awesome, crazy friends!

  • “’We...we could be friends.' We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.” ― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
  • "Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice." — Otto von Bismarck
  • “A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.” — Jim Hayes
  • “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” — Marlene Dietrich
  • “Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” — Charles Lamb
  • “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” — Laurence J. Peter
  • “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
  • "When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun." — Groucho Marx
  • "Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with." — Robert Brault
  • "I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places." — Mark Twain
  • "It’s important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to the friendship that we are not." — Mignon McLaughlin
  • "If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal." — Oprah Winfrey
  • "Friendship is not possible between two women, one of whom is very well dressed." — Laurie Colwin
  • "Whoever says friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!" — Bronwyn Polson


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