99 Talladega Nights Quotes That Will Crack You Up

99 Talladega Nights Quotes That Will Crack You Up
Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube
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Tripboba.com - Made Will Farrel as the main character, Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby has become one of the most hilarious films about a car race.

Talladega Nights was aired in 2006 and it got positives responses from critics and spectators. The jokes in the movie are cheerful, although a little bit vulgar.

To remind or give you pictures of how funny this movie is, Tripboba has collected so many Talladega Nights quotes you might want to read whenever you need a laughter intake..

Quotes from Talladega Nights

Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube

Some of the Talladega Nights quotes that will make you laugh are here.

  • "When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?" - Lucy Bobby

  • "You've gotta learn to drive with the fear. There ain't nothin' more frightenin' than drivin' with a live cougar in the car. If you're calm, that wonderous big cat will be calm too. But if you're scared, that beautiful death machine will do what God made it to do, namely, eat you with a smile on its face." - Reese Bobby

  • "Ricky, remember: The fieldmouse is fast, but the owl sees at night." - Chip

  • "You taste of America." - Jean Girard

  • “May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” – Jean Girard

  • “There's nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.” — Reese Bobby

  • "Wow... Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate!" - Herschell

  • "Now, you show me the DNA test, and then maybe I'll, uh...I'll say hello to these swamp rats." - Reese Bobby

  • "You better shut the hell up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!" - Reese Bobby

  • "Yeah, shut up, Frank!" - Lucy Bobby

  • "Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run." - Cal Naughton, Jr.

  • "Bingo." - Cal Naughton, Jr.

  • “Hey, shut up you little pot-licker I'll stick you in a microwave!” — Reese Bobby

  • "I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.” - Cal Naughton, Jr.

  • Dale Earnhardt Jr.: "You still owe me, like, 30 bucks."
    Ricky Bobby: "Oh no, man. you said that was a gift."
    Dale Earnhardt Jr.: "You're a dirty liar!”

  • Ricky Bobby: "I'm going fast again!"
    Cal Naughton, Jr.: "How fast is he going?"
    Lucius Washington: "26 miles per hour.”
  • "Problems? I don't want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma got problems she just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up on somebody's finger! That's a problem!" - Passenger on Bus

  • "Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid." - Reese Bobby

  • “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” — Ricky Bobby

  • “Here’s the deal—I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” — Ricky Bobby

  • “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby

Talladega Nights Movie Quotes

Talladega Nights Movie Quotes
Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube

The characters in Talladega Nights movie are so funny. Here are some hilarious Talladega Nights quotes spoken by the characters.

  • Jean Girard: "My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants: to retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use."
    Ricky Bobby: "That's dumb."
  • “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” — Jean Girard

  • "You're not gonna be runnin' up the road in your underwear again, are ya? Like in Charlotte?" - Greg Biffle

  • "You know what? That hurts, man." - Ricky Bobby

  • "I'm gonna wreck you today. [pause" I'm just kidding." - Casey Mears

  • “I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say...'I... love... crepes.'" - Jean Girard

  • "I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word." - Jean Girard

  • Cal Naughton, Jr.: "You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better."
    Ricky Bobby: "Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?"
    Cal Naughton, Jr.: "Yeah."
    Jean Girard: "Yes, they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them."

  • “I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

    • "Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up!" - Passenger on Bus
    • Reese Bobby: "Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky."
      10-year-old Ricky: "Dad!"
      Reese Bobby: "Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?"
      10-year-old Ricky: "Ten years."
      Reese Bobby: "Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote."
    • "And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a race car driver is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here." - Reese Bobby

    • “So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

    • "Go on and get some, boys!" - Cal Naughton, Jr.

    • "Shake 'n Bake!" - Cal Naughton, Jr.

    • “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

    • Cal Naughton, Jr.: "What does Diablo mean?"
      Ricky Bobby: "It's like...Spanish for like a fighting chicken.”
    • "Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam." - Jean Girard

    • "Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?" - Jean Girard

    • "What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?" - Jean Girard

    • "Now it is time for the matador to dance with the blind shoe-maker" - Jean Girard

    • “Guys! No tires! We’re not a pit crew anymore, we’re a car wash team.” – Lucius Washington

    • “Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact and in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.” — PA Announcer

    Will Ferrell Talladega Nights Quotes

    Will Ferrell Talladega Nights Quotes
    Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube

    Check some of Talladega Nights quotes by Will Ferrell or we know as Ricky Bobby that will tickle your whole body.

    • “Hi, I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then *bleep* you.”

    • "Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!"

    • “Chew big red, or get out of my face, motherf*cker.”

    • “Well, let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said… ’I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”

    • "You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?"

    • "Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!"

    • "The room's startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of all the gayness. Cal... I love you."

    • "Well, let's see. I got mauled by a cougar, my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined, and I didn't learn dick about driving. Other than that, it was great.”

    • "Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here."

    • "I wo—I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.”

    • “No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high-level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300.”

    • "I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.”

    • “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”

    • “Hey Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up! (flips the finger) It’s real nice…I got it at Target…it was on sale.”

    • “Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”

    • “When you work on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you need the right tools too. That’s why you should use [is tossed a box of tampons" Maypax. The official tampon of NASCAR.”

    • “Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!”

    • “I sent in my application to The Real World, so I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I’m also thinking about getting a gun and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like… like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, “Hey, what’s up guys? You want some crack?”. I’m just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out.”

    • “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

    • “I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?”

    • “Wow. I feel like I’m in Highlander!”

    • “You can’t have two No. 1s.”

    • “I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.”

    Talladega Nights Quotes Jesus

    Talladega Nights Quotes Jesus
    Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube

    Jesus is mentioned in the movie a few times in hilarious ways. Here are some Talladega Nights quotes about Jesus

    • “I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!” — Cal Naughton, Jr.,

    • “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

    • “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

    • "Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces... newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet." - Ricky Bobby

    • "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my red-hot smokin' wife, Carley." - Ricky Bobby

    • "Help me, Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me, Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!" - Ricky Bobby

    • "Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers." - Ricky Bobby

    • "Dear tiny Jesus, in your golden fleeced diapers with your tiny little fat balled up fists. – Ricky Bobby

    • Cal Naughton, Jr.: "I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, there's something special about him..."
      Ricky Bobby: "Because it was Jesus, right..."
      Cal Naughton, Jr.: "Yeah..."
    • "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or T.R. as we call him, and of course, my red-hot smoking wife, Carly who is a stone-cold fox." – Ricky Bobby

    • "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father Chip. We hope that you can use your Baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always botherin' with it." – Ricky Bobby

    • "Hey, um... you know, sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby." - Carley

    • "Well, look, I like the Christmas Jesus best when I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus, or Teenage Jesus, or Bearded Jesus, or whoever you want." - Ricky Bobby

    Talladega Nights Kid Quotes

    Photo by Movieclips Classic Trailers from YouTube

    Walker Bobby and Texas Ranger are Ricky's sons. Down here are some Talladega Nights quotes by Walker and Texas Ranger.

    • "I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge." - Walker

    • "The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C." - Texas Ranger

    • "She said, 'No, you're wrong.' I said, 'You got a lumpy butt.' She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants." - Texas Ranger

    • “Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!” — Texas Ranger Bobby

    • “My friends and I skipped school and we filled up a cup of pee and tried to get our neighbor's dog to drink it. But he wouldn't.” — Walker Bobby

    • "Shut up, Chip or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!" - Walker

    • "I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!" - Texas Ranger

    • "I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!" - Walker

    • "Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!" - Texas Ranger

    • "Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!" - Walker

    • "Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!" - Texas Ranger

    • "Shut up in here! I'm trying to sleep!" - Walker

    • "One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!" - Texas Ranger

    • "Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?" - Texas Ranger

    • Walker : (the boys are running around when they should be in Sunday school) "ANARCHY! ANARCHY!"
      Texas Ranger: "I don't know what that means, but I LOVE it!"
    • "You look old, Granny are you gonna die today?" - Texas Ranger

    • "Please let us not resolve our problems with fighting." - Texas Ranger

    • "Aw, Grandma, not my prison shank!" - Texas Ranger

    • "Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather." - Texas Ranger

    • “Daddy, you made that grace your b*tch.” — Walker

    Those are 99 hilarious Talladega Nights quotes by some funny characters in the movie.

    Even though this is an adult comedy movie, Talladega Nights teaches you about how hard it is to be number one. But, it can be easier if you have loyal friends and family around to support you.

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