Terry Pratchett Quotes: 60 Top Words from the Iconic Writer

Best Terry Pratchett Quotes

Terry Pratchett Quotes - Photo by Benjamin Jancewicz from Flickr

By reading these Terry Pratchett quotes, you will be able to know the man’s mind.

And the thing is, we can tell that the moment you read every creation of this man, you can place your finger on nearly any page of his books and discover something that you can both laugh at and find truth in.

Here are some of the best Terry Pratchett quotes that Tripboba has collected just for you:

• “It’s vital to remember who you really are. It’s very important. It isn’t a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.” (Sourcery)

• “Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.” (I Shall Wear Midnight)

• “If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.” (The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents)

• “Look, that’s why there’s rules, understand? So that you think before you break ’em.” (Thief of Time)

• “His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools—the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans—and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, ‘You can’t trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so let’s have a drink.’” (Small Gods)

• “Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.” (Hogfather)

• “It’s still magic even if you know how it’s done.” (A Hat Full of Sky)

• “God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won’t tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.” (Good Omens)

• “In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.” (Lords and Ladies)

• “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.” (Small Gods)

• “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” (Diggers)

• “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” (Thud!)

• “The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.” (Moving Pictures)

• “Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.” (Small Gods)

• “If you trust in yourself… and believe in your dreams…and follow your star... you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.” (The Wee Free Men)

Terry Pratchett Discworld Quotes

Terry Pratchett Quotes - Photo by Noosh S-W from Flickr

His wit and wisdom are the things that people love about Terry Pratchett. “Discworld” is a comic fantasy book series that set on the Discworld, which is a flat planet balanced on the backs of four elephants which in turn stand on the back of a giant turtle.

In this section of this article, you will read and know more a bit about Terry Pratchett quotes from the book. Yes, they are inspiring!

• “Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” ― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

• “It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?” ― Terry Pratchett, Mort

• “A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.” ― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

• “Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

• “The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

• “Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.” ― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

• “Sybil’s female forebears had valiantly backed up their husbands as distant embassies were besieged, had given birth on a camel or in the shade of a stricken elephant, had handed around the little gold chocolates while trolls were trying to break into the compound, or had merely stayed at home and nursed such bits of husbands and sons as made it back from endless little wars.  The result was a species of woman who, when duty called, turned into solid steel.” ― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

• “It's like chess, you know. The Queen saves the King.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

• “On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

• “And Tiffany knew that if a witch started thinking of anyone as "just" anything, that would be the first step on a well-worn path that could lead to, oh, to poisoned apples, spinning wheels, and a too-small stove... and to pain, and terror, and horror and the darkness.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Shepherd's Crown

• “No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.” ― Terry Pratchett, Eric

• “Odd thing, ain't it... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls.” ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

• “Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.” ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

• “Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad

• “Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Eric

• “Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

Terry Pratchett Small Gods Quotes

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Since its first publication in 1992, “Small Gods” has been among the most popular works by Terry Pratchett. It follows the origin of the god Om, and his relations with his prophet, the reformer Brutha.

For more Terry Pratchett quotes, Tripboba will be sharing them here from the “Small Gods.” Let’s have a look!

• “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “The Ephebians believed that every man should have the vote (provided that he wasn't poor, foreign, nor disqualified by reason of being mad, frivolous, or a woman). Every five years someone was elected to be Tyrant, provided he could prove that he was honest, intelligent, sensible, and trustworthy. Immediately after he was elected, of course, it was obvious to everyone that he was a criminal madman and totally out of touch with the view of the ordinary philosopher in the street looking for a towel. And then five years later they elected another one just like him, and really it was amazing how intelligent people kept on making the same mistakes.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water! A mere quantum-mechanistic tunnel effect, that'd happen anyway if you were prepared to wait zillions of years. As if the turning of sunlight into wine, by means of vines and grapes and time and enzymes, wasn't a thousand times more impressive and happened all the time...” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all is truth beauty and is beauty truth, and does a falling tree in the forest make a sound if there's no one there to hear it, and then just when you think they're going to start dribbling one of 'em says, incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “What's a philosopher?' said Brutha. Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

• “He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.” ― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

Terry Pratchett Night Watch Quotes

Terry Pratchett Quotes - Photo by Adrian Chandler from Flickr

“Night Watch” is another series from “Discworld” that’s also popular along with “Small Gods.” If you want to read and be inspired by this book, we have brought to you some of the Terry Pratchett quotes from the book that are great to read.

• “We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'

• If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly.

• When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice square bracket to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the City of Ankh-Morpork comma serve the public truƒt comma and defend the ƒubjects of his ƒtroke her bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket Majeƒty bracket name of reigning monarch bracket without fear comma favour comma or thought of perƒonal ƒafety semi-colon to purƒue evildoers and protect the innocent comma comma laying down my life if neceƒsary in the cauƒe of said duty comma so help me bracket aforeƒaid deity bracket full stop Gods Save the King stroke Queen bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket full stop.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “That was always the dream, wasn't it? 'I wish I'd known then what I know now'? But when you got older you found out that you NOW wasn't YOU then. You then was a twerp. You then was what you had to be to start out on the rocky road of becoming you now, and one of the rocky patches on that road was being a twerp.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one - black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

• As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn't measure up.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had a grip, and that plans were what people made instead of thinking.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men? A copper, that's who. You saw how close men lived to the beast. You realized that people like Carcer were not mad. They were incredibly sane. They were simply men without a shield. They'd looked at the world and realized that all the rules didn't have to apply to them, not if they didn't want them to. They weren't fooled by all the little stories. They shook hands with the beast.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

• “But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.” ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch