60 Best Dark Humor Jokes You Can’t Miss, Most Updated!

60 Best Dark Humor Jokes You Can’t Miss, Most Updated!
Dark Humor Jokes - Photo by Photo Boards from Unsplash
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Tripboba.com - Dark humor jokes may not be the joke that you tell your coworkers or your in-laws. But there's nothing wrong with a little dark humor for your friends or family who are equally crazy. Of course, it's important to know your group of friends and how to read the room.

If you appreciate or looking for dark humor jokes, Tripboba has compiled some of the best and funniest dark humor jokes to bring a little light to your day. Here we go!

Best Dark Humor Jokes

Dark Humor Jokes - Photo by Matt Sings from Unsplash

For the first round, let Tripboba start this with some of the best dark humor jokes. Take a look at them and see if they can bring laugh on your face!

1. "Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them."

2. "Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life."

3. "Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner."

4. "Today I went to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst."

5. "I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once."

6. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough."

7. "Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs."

8. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

9. "What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into a tiny car."

10. "What’s yellow and can’t swim? A dead goldfish."

11. "What do you do if you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns? Go for the juggler."

12. "It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey."

13. "I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

14. "When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!"

15. "The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me."

Funny Dark Humor Jokes

Dark Humor Jokes - Photo by Dmitry Vechorko from Unsplash

You might want to turn yourself out from the moment you hear the words “dark humor jokes” itself. But the main purpose is to take the moment of darkness and to bring levity into our lives. These dark humor jokes will turn your veins black and make you laugh out loud.

So, here are some of Tripboba’s picks for the funniest dark humor jokes to get through the day. Warning: this is not a kid-friendly joke.

16. "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So, we stopped playing chess."

17. "Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s."

18. "Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well."

19. "My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home."

20. "I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So, I threw him out. I hate having visitors."

21. "I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice."

22. "The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in."

23. "My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals."

24. "My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow."

25. "You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice."

26. "Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny."

27. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

28. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral."

29. "What’s the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player showers."

30. "What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate."

Dark Humor Jokes One Liners

Dark Humor Jokes - Photo by Nicholas Kusuma from Unsplash

31. "I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear."

32. "I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid."

33. "My parents raised me as an only child which really pissed off my brother."

34. "You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo."

35. "What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found."

36. "Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."

37. "The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family."

38. "Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"

39. "Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!"

40. "When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back."

41. "Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can’t do stand up."

42. "Real men don’t wear pink… They eat it."

43. "How did the leper hockey game end? There was a face off in the corner."

44. I added Paul walker on Xbox. But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

45. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.

Dark Sense of Humor Jokes

Dark Humor Jokes - Photo by Sydney Sims from Unsplash

46. "A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That’s arson."

47. "If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!"

48. "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?" the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet," the doctor said."

49. "My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic."

50. "My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him."

51. "My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support."

52. "I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden."

53. "I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog."

54. "I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine."

55. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I’m sorry, but you only have ten left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

56. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

57. "My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?""

58. "What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer."

59. "What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm."

60. "What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romance."

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